It is a very common question in the baby sleep world; should I, or even how do I extend my baby's naps?
Maybe you're worrying that your baby is sleep deprived? Maybe you're worried that you're doing something wrong? Maybe you simply feel that you need to get some things done during nap time.
I've been there. My daughter didn't consistently nap for longer than 40 minutes until she was about 18 months, apart from the occasional contact nap that I could extend for about an hour. Even then, I would will her to stay asleep so that I could finish watching another episode of grey's anatomy on the sofa, but if she even slightly detected a change in my breathing, or a slightly raised heartbeat, she was awake and ready for the next exciting part of the day. Granted, this was (and is) due to her sensitive temperament (she's an alert little thing!), but even in the pram or sling, she would only last for 40 mins or less.
Some sleep science
So first of all, I want to address some of the sleep science here behind short naps. This is purely to reassure you, so please read on if you're interested. First thing to say is that there is very little research about naps, so much of the evidence we have is about either about the benefits of napping during the daytime, or about how much sleep children need in 24 hours. This is actually good news, because it means we really can move away from prescriptive nap lengths and times - they simply won't work for a lot of children and are not evidence-based.
There is also no doubt that shorts naps are common and not necessarily anything to worry about at all. As a sleep consultant, two main topics usually concern me; is a baby or toddler getting enough daytime sleep and is that sleep well spaced throughout a 24 hour period? If a child is generally cheerful, gaining weight and developing well (bar the occasional grumpy day of course - all little ones have those), then they are probably getting all the sleep they need. Really, that's it.
More myth busts
Let's delve into a few more facts before we move on. Firstly, many parents assume that if their child is getting less than 40-50 mins (a sleep cycle length) at a time, that they are not getting enough restorative or deep sleep. This just isn't the case! In fact, all stages of sleep are important. Our brains are extremely good at micromanaging our sleep needs, which depends on loads of things like sleep pressure, activity during the day, emotional needs etc. As a result, each sleep cycle will not look exactly the same. In fact, it isn't even a sure thing that a baby is achieving a lot of deep, restorative sleep just because they have had a long nap! Also, all stages of sleep are important for different reasons. What matters here is that your baby is getting enough sleep overall (in 24 hours) and that it is spaced out enough during the daytime to avoid your baby's sleep pressure getting too high.
Think of your own sleep. Have you ever woken up feeling incredibly well rested, but the amount you slept wasn't actually that much? Or maybe you slept for a while, but the environment or external stress levels weren't optimal and you don't feel like you got much rest. It's the same concept really. Maybe you are someone who really benefits from daytime naps or maybe you can't imagine ever falling asleep during the day?
In short, no you don't have to extend naps. It is much more likely to do with your baby's sleep needs and temperament that they are sleeping in short bursts, rather than anything you should be worried about. It's also helpful to remember that sometimes extending daytime sleep can actually negatively affect night time sleep, so be careful there!
Ways to cope better
I know many parents struggle with the lack of time they have to themselves, or to get things done when they have a catnapper on their hands. You can, of course, practise extending a nap if you want to. I would suggest firstly;
Look at any other underlying reason why they might be waking frequently; hunger, discomfort, a sleep deficit (are they very unsettled?) etc;
Look at how sleep is distributed throughout the day - is it well-spaced?
From there, focus on the environment and layer in some familiar sleep associations (try a carrier, movement or closeness);
Make sure they have lots of engaging play and sensory connection during awake time to keep your baby or toddler asleep for longer. This may or may not work but it's worth a try! Just remember that if you feel like you've done everything you can, and they're still waking up, they probably just don't need that extra sleep.
Another option is to adopt the attitude that your baby is coming along with you for the day's routine/activities, and that they will sleep when and if they're ready to and for the length they need to. This is often easier for parents with other children, as the baby has no choice! Things need to happen and they are coming along for the ride. Letting go of the unhelpful and often unrealistic expectation that you can clean the house, catch up on laundry and cook dinner whilst your baby naps can be really liberating. Instead, get comfortable with popping your baby in a sling, or a playmat, and do the chores while they are awake. Talk to them about what you're doing and why. Try to view nap time as your time to rest too - whether that's chatting to a friend, sleeping, or watching a tv show.
PS...
Most importantly, we know that if you as a parent are regulated and calm, sleep will come more easily for you and your baby. So let go of any stress or anxiety you are holding onto about 'short' naps, and let's just call them 'naps'.
You can find my free resource to download on sleep requirements for different ages here.
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